Let your words teach and your actions speak.
I was in a car accident and was lucky to live. I don’t hesitate to say I love you anymore. If I feel it, I share it. If I die I don’t want anyone to wonder if I cared.
It’s hard to wrap our heads around the fact that we decide we love someone because we experience the emotion of love, but love is more than a feeling. It’s a commitment. We commit to loving people; parents, children, friends, lovers. We believe we’re in it for a lifetime until the lines get blurry when our feelings change. Do we stay invested in the relationship when feelings change?
Maggie was a married woman who sat in my office and said, I don’t love him anymore. She was a 20 year veteran of marriage and life’s experiences had impacted her feelings about her husband. She was looking for permission to leave the relationship. Although permission wasn’t mine to give, I did give her an explanation. Love is more than a feeling. The feeling may have been what drew you together, but the deeper meaning of love is the decision to remain in relationship and rediscover the feelings. Maggie, go home and act on the commitment you made and the feelings will come back.
Here are two ways to avoid corroding your commitment to love:
- Don’t become cuffed to comfort – When love is cuffed to comfort, it’s easy to neglect treating your loved one like someone special. Comfort tells us, They will always be there. Comfort leads to laziness. We stop showing up and giving our best. Too much comfort leads to mediocrity.
- Don’t become cuffed to comparison – Comparison is as dangerous to relationship as a lit candle in a dry field. Comparing a loved one to someone else says, You’re not enough! Comparative words can do two things: 1) cause your loved one to believe there is something wrong with them and impact their ability to be emotionally and mentally healthy 2) cause a fire between the two of you that is not easily extinguished. Resist comparison. Nothing good will come of it.
The words I love you are sweet, but we need to back them up with actions that show love.